Triggers

Part 1

“Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as yourself.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭19:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬ This is a topic that I will write about several times. There are so many types of triggers that i could go on for days about.  Today’s trigger that I will speak on will be holiday tiggers. Last month was Easter and this month is Mother's Day.  Last month, I was at church on Easter Sunday. We have a pretty small congregation right now but on holidays we join with other congregations. So on Easter Sunday church was a packed house. As I sat in church on that Sunday and looked around, I realized that everyone was married or had a boyfriend/girlfriend. It set a trigger off in the inside of me that hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat on the last row in church that day with all of these tears rolling down my face. Once again I was sitting in a place alone and not by choice. The rest of that day was pretty tough. I didn’t want to go out to dinner because I knew I would see all of the couples and families laughing and smiling. Then, my mom wanted to go to my sisters to hang out and I didn’t want to go there either. I choose to go home and sit in my misery and just be alone. This is how depression starts and takes control of your life. When you are going through situations you have to learn how to choose to be happy. Find a happy place, call a friend, pray, ask God to give you a good word.  Looking forward to today, Mother’s Day. I’m already in a mood. I went to the store the other day, not realizing what I was getting into. Oh it’s Mother’s Day on Sunday! All the dads are in the store with the kids or the husbands and wife’s just planning and buying. I wantEd to turn right back out of the store. It’s still a little painful to see these things that I once had. One of my last Mother’s Day that I remember was when the kids were younger. I was still married and the girls took the lead (my daughter and 2 nieces). They convinced my ex-husband to give them money to create a spa experience for my sister, my mother and I. They turned our home office into a spa. They had robes for us, hor d’curves, wine, gave us a facial and a massage. It was quite special. They even had the soft spa music playing in the background. Was it like a real spa? Of course not but it was the very thoughtful energy that made it so special. But most of the best days were just the time spent. I just love being in the space with my babies. We are funny together, they make me laugh when they are all together and in a good mood.  Now, however, I don’t feel like my sons and I are in a good place. They are young men with their own lives. We can’t figure out how to relate to each other. They will probably just text or call me and say Happy Mother’s Day and that’s fine with them. But for me I love being in their presence, just us talking and joking, maybe playing a game, going go carting but they aren’t interested. I know they love me but time is important to me also. Then there is my daughter. She gets me and understands me MOST of the time. But she is so far away that she will not be home for Mother’s Day. So that makes the situation worse.  However, with God being the man that He is, He already made me see my selfishness. He said to me, you know Kaevon, Mother’s Day isn’t just about you! You have an amazing mother that I placed in your life, you have an amazing sister that I placed in your life, you have aunties, cousins, friends, etc. You need to stop being selfish and making it about you and celebrate them this year! Celebrate their commitment to you through these years of your pains and struggles. Celebrate that they love you inspite of. Celebrate that they are still here with you on this earth.  Celebrate God is so good because He loves you as you are. Celebrate that He is already working on my sons and they will grow into the men that God wants them to be. These triggers have had a hold on me for at least 4 years. Me just being locked up in my room or being half present if I did go to lunch or dinner with my mother and sister because of the depression or painful memories. I allowed Satin and my negative thoughts to win over my happiness. Don’t be like me, choose today to conquer the triggers. I see growth in myself through the lessons God has been and will continue to teach me. So yes holidays are triggers and will continue to trigger memories of the past.  However, it’s about how you pray through the trigger, how you do not allow the trigger to steal your joy! So this Mother’s Day, my triggers will not win! I choose happiness and joy. I choose to celebrate my Mom, my sister, my daughter, my Aunts, my sister-n-love and all of the beautiful, special women that God has placed in my life! In addition to each and everyone of you beautiful women reading my blog! 

Happy Mother’s Day!  With Love,  K. Lyte