Remember When.......

Remember who you were…. When you met Him! (Or her! for all of my male followers)

When I met my husband back in college, I was this young, lively, fit, athletic and driven young woman. I had a drive for life and had my life all planned out. I was well on my way to achieving all that I dreamed and said that I was going to do as a child and young teenager growing up. I dressed well most of the time (except when I was in my Army ROTC PT sweats or Fatigues), I didn’t go out a lot but when I did I knew how to party! I knew how to have fun. I was planning my future and making moves for life after college with my career already in the works! I was in AROTC doing really well and 6 months from passing advanced camp and a little over a year from being a lieutenant in the United States Army! I was so proud and excited!

When he met me that is who I was and probably what attracted him to me.

Then something happened……..

We moved in together, had children and got married. I think for our oldest I did pretty well and stayed close to the person I was initially when we met. But by the second, I had definitely changed. I became mom first and then wife if I had energy. I did what is called ‘let myself go.’

My mindset changed. I no longer had the same drive. I didn’t have the confidence anymore to chase and pursue my own personal goals. I thought that I needed to focus on how I could contribute to the goals and what was best for the family.

I lost my passion to be an officer in the Army, hence I didn’t even pass advanced camp. Plus I was scared to go to the military as a mom. I was scared about leaving my daughter if I had to go to war. (Which was a slim chance due to the career I choose in the Army) However, the thought stuck with me.

Life really changed for me. I didn’t feel like I could go to Law school and be a great mother, who would be present and involved with her children. In addition, get good grades and graduate law school. So I gave that up also.

Then I didn’t want to go out with my husband anymore. I didn’t want to leave the children. I didn’t want them to think that we were in the streets even though they were young. I no longer shopped for myself to keep myself looking good. Instead, I shopped for them all the time. I didn’t get my hair and nails done as much because I thought it would be selfish of me and I could use that money toward their needs. I would start memberships at the gym to go work out but never went.

I centered my whole life on the children and when I have enough left my husband. Only doing things for them and not focusing on myself nor my husband.

I just let myself go for what I thought was the greater good of our children and family as a whole. However, looking back to the old me, I see that i changed, I was no longer the person my husband met.

I thought that it was a good thing but was it?

Me not keeping myself looking nice, which then made me not feel good about myself, settling career wise, even becoming a stay-at-home mom for years. I remember several of my childhood and college friends saying to me ‘I never would have thought that you would be that person, a stay-at-home-mom.’ Deep down, I didn’t think so either. Don’t get me wrong, I love my babies and I enjoyed every part of it but that is not how I envisioned my life (even with children). He may have thought that we would be this power couple financially and I was not living up to my potential.

This is still haunting me today. I know that I have much more to offer this world career wise but I am stuck. My confidence is not what it was when I was in my 20’s plus the job market has changed. I never really worked in my field so I don’t have the experience that most companies are interested in. Don’t forget- I am not in my 20’s anymore either.

Present Key would tell the past Key:

When you met your husband there were no children, it was just you and him. When they leave and grow up, it will be you and him. Continue to grow and blossom to greater heights and it will help make the marriage stronger. Keep chasing, accomplishing and smashing your goals. Continue to keep your physical appearance the same or improve there also. Put your husband first! Fall in love with him every day, over and over again.

You are more than capable of being a great mom and a successful woman in her career. Look around….. your mother, sister and several women have and continue to do it.

So the title ‘Remember Who You were.... when you met him’, is not just about him (your boyfriend, fiancé, husband) it’s more about you! Don’t be like me and make the same mistakes I did. Don’t deprive yourself of your dreams and goals. Continue pressing on to meet your goals, just make sure you incorporate him and the family in them. You do not have to sacrifice your goals. More than likely your dreams and goals are what attracted him to you any way!

With Love,

K. Lyte